I’m not working at the moment. Which is a first for me. Since I left university I have been in constant employment. I handed in my last piece of coursework and the next week I started my very first job. Since then, whenever changing jobs I have left work on a Friday in one place and started at the next on Monday.
To put it simply, I love working. I love doing something which – in my opinion – is helping someone, somewhere. I love the people around me. I’m sure I get on a lot of people’s nerves, I smile too much, laugh and walk down the corridors humming to myself.
But at the moment, I just can’t work. I have no energy at all. My morning currently consists of the following:
- Wake up when my husband leaves for work
- Check my emails
- Have a shower
- Get dressed
- Walk downstairs
- Lay on the sofa for a hour to get my energy back
- Make breakfast
- Eat breakfast
- Lay on the sofa for a hour or two feeling very ill and trying to get my energy back
It looks silly when it is written down, but honestly, getting up, showered and changed really takes it out of me. My mind is fine but my legs feel like they have been running for miles. I literally have no energy.
But it is possible to adjust to this routine. Doing the above for a few days and by midday I am laying on the sofa thinking to myself, ‘Why am I not at work? This is stupid. I should be at work.’
And then I have a day like yesterday: I was at my parents as I had an appointment at the hospital with my specialists. I had to walk around a hospital for a bit, then sit on a train for an hour. Then walk from train station to my GPs to get a prescription and then get that filled at the pharmacy before getting a taxi home. Something which only 3 months ago would have been easy. This little jaunt still has me feeling tired now. I don’t even want to think how I would cope doing 8 hours at work, plus the commuting time.
I miss work. I miss being able to work. It looks like in the next couple of weeks, following the transplant assessment, I have some big decisions to make about work and what to do. I need money coming in. It’s not fair to rely solely on the hubby’s income.
Again, sorry for another moaning post…